BREAKING WITH TRADITION
Ever get the feeling that planning a Wedding
means answering to some unseen Wedding gods, who long ago
decided everything that is "supposed to" be done on
the Big Day? As you sort through the stack of
supposed-to's, you might find yourself wondering: who decided
all this stuff anyway?
Some
Brides would agree that the pressure to keep up with tradition
was a real part of Wedding planning.
Pressure can come from all over - first and foremost from
the Wedding industry, second from parents, even
though they may try very hard not impose their preferences. Despite
this type of pressure, today many
traditions are being yanked to reflect modern sensibilities.
For
example, the custom of the Bride wearing a veil over her
face is an ancient one of uncertain origin - perhaps
to conceal
the Bride from jealous old boyfriends, to keep her hidden
from a Groom she had never met, or to confuse evil spirits.
Needless
to say, many traditions
are throwbacks to long-ago times when lifestyles were much
different than they are today. Today’s
Brides typically wear the veil away from the face, and some are
skipping the veil entirely, choosing to wear a wreath of flowers
or adorned hairpins instead. The manner of walking down the aisle
is changing with the times as well.
Some
Brides aren't fond of the symbolism of their Father walking
them in, feeling that the idea of being "given
away" is ill suited to an independent woman. Many Brides
now walk arm-in-arm with both parents - capturing
the sentimental spirit of the father-only tradition
while avoiding what some perceive as its negative aspects.
There's also nothing that says the Groom can't be by
your side as the two of you walk in together, or that
you
can't be escorted by a friend or sibling, or simply
make a solo entrance.
One
of the more storied Wedding traditions is that of tossing
the bouquet and garter. To replace a tradition
that
to some suggests inappropriately that single men
and women are anxiously awaiting marriage, you might
instead present a single flower to each of the women
in the crowd, or give small bouquets to guests who
aren't
otherwise recognized, like a special aunt.
Picking
and choosing your personal combination of old and new is
fun. Examples of new twists on old
themes
abound. Consider greeting your guests at the door
rather than remaining unseen before the ceremony.
Let the
members of the Wedding party select their own outfits
rather than having each dress the same. Speak at
the
Reception rather than letting the best man do all
the talking, or ask others to give a toast as well
- someone
like
a favorite old teacher or the best man from your
parents' Wedding. Dream up an alternative to a
traditional
Wedding cake - select a new style rather than the
traditional multi-tier variety, choose an edible
decoration like
fruit or candies rather than the customary flowers,
or include an entirely different dessert altogether,
perhaps
one that reflects your cultural background.
This is all not to say that old traditions aren't worthy
of inclusion in weddings in the new millennium
- if you've
spent years looking forward to the bouquet toss or
can't imagine not having your dad walk you down
the aisle,
then go for it! Consider the personalities involved. If
you know your happy clan will find the garter toss an
absolute riot, then you should definitely stick
with it. Just
know that you don't have to conform to traditions.
The most important thing is that you create a
day that feels just right for you.
